If this is the first funeral you’ll be attending, naturally you’ll have some questions.
To help, we’ve compiled a short ‘everything you need to know’ guide.
How do I know if I should attend a funeral?
It’s unlikely you’ll ever be directly ‘invited’ to a funeral. Family and close friends will typically have been made aware of all the details by the deceased’s next of kin. Others usually become aware it’s taking place via word-of-mouth, funeral notices, or these days from social media.
The fact you haven’t been personally made aware shouldn’t stop you going. Families usually appreciate as many people attending as possible, as it shows how popular and respected their loved one was. As a general rule, if you feel like you should go, and would like to pay your respects in person, you should.
Do I need to take anything?
Not really, no. You can send a sympathy card or flowers to the family, but most people don’t bring them to the funeral.
For yourself, you might want to consider things like tissues, sunglasses or an umbrella, and some cash in case there’s a collection for charity at the end or the service.
What should I wear to a funeral?
On occasion, the family may request a particular dress code, such as bright clothing or a particular colour, to celebrate the life of their loved one.
You can check with the family, but if nothing has been specified, black or dark clothing to represent mourning is the traditional, safe choice.
Something smart, comfortable, and suitable for the weather would make sense. But nobody will be judging you. It’s your attendance rather than what you choose to wear that’s the important thing.
Should I bring children to a funeral?
It very much depends on the age of the child, their personality and their relationship to the person that has died.
Many choose to leave their children at home and shield them from an upsetting situation.
Where do I sit at a service?
Usually, immediate family and very close friends sit in the first few rows, so if this isn’t you, make sure you leave those seats free. The remaining seats fill up without any strict order.
If you are attending a funeral in a large venue, try and help fill it up from the front first rather than taking a seat at the very back. This helps ensure there are no unfilled seats close to the family at the front.
Do I have to say anything ?
It’s always appreciated when express your sympathy. Many people stay silent for fear of saying the wrong thing, but the reality is there really is no right thing to say.
Choosing to say a few words over remaining silent can often make all the difference to someone grieving.
Do I need to donate to a charity?
Some families may have a collection for charity at the end of a service. Others might have set up an online donation page.
However, there is no obligation or expectation, and whether you donate or not is entirely up to you.
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